can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

After 17 years and 9 months of experience and some studying of the Bible, I've come to conclude that family relationships were designed by God to be the most significant interpersonal relationships. I read over the sentence that I just typed and I can't believe I'm saying it. Coming from someone who was never close with her family and never really enjoyed time spent with family, it seems almost absurd.

I'm not really sure why my family was never as close-knit as others. My parents have never been my best friends; I've never gone to them with my darkest secrets or deepest problems. I've rarely shown my appreciation for what they have done, or for their mere existence for that matter. My brother and I spent the majority of my seventeen years as barely something more than people who see each other while they're eating breakfast. The thing is, my mom was so passionate about our family. She always planned things for us to do, brought up things to talk about at the dinner table, wrote little notes of encouragement to each of us. My dad attempted to conduct family devotions several times, but my brother and I just cast it aside with the attitude that we could better spend our time doing something else. I can sit here today and tell you that the reason for our distance was the spiritual immaturity of me and my brother. When we each reached the point in our lives when we realized there was "more to life" than family, we were eager to leave. Other relationships with friends (and for my brother, girlfriends) became the priority. Why? Because were were spiritually immature.

I used to hold to the belief that it was perfectly fine for a child (usually a teenager) to pull away from their family and treat their friends as the most important people. Why did I do that? Because I did pulled away, and I replaced my family with friends. I carried that view with me as justification for what I was doing. It wasn't until God took my mother from my life in the April of 2009 that I realized how twisted I was.

If you read the Bible at all, you'll probably notice that there are two main relationships to which God compares himself to us: father-child and groom-bride. I don't think it's chance that those two relationships exist within the family. The father-son relationship exists within the perfect relationship, that is the Trinity. Why was it so heartbreaking for God to sacrifice his Son? Because the cords that bind families together are the most painful to untie. I believe that God created us to be effected most deeply by what goes on in our families because He wanted us to see the gospel so clearly. Unfortunately, sin has tainted those relationships here on earth, and families are not how they were intended to be. But the fact remains: whether good or bad, present or nonexsitant, family relationships have the most impact in the life of an individual. Why do orphanages exist? Why aren't there homes for people whose friends have died or left them? Why don't ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends all have a place to live when their hearts have been broken? Because the family is the most important relational institution. It's been created that way, and we don't even notice it because it's just the natural way of life. Think about it. If a child is being mistreated by a parent, they are removed from the situation. When a child is betrayed by a friend, nothing happens. It's ingrained in who we are: our families, or lack therof, shape us.

I was very surprised to experience what it was like to lose my mom, since I had never been extremely close with her. It's true. When family relationships change, so do you. Thankfully, God used my mom's death to reveal the importance of family. About a year and a half prior, he had already begun to work on me when my brother recommited his life to Christ. When we found out we were moving in 2006, God used that huge transition to bring Matthew back to Himself. That, in turn, brought him back to our family, and he became my brother again. Your family is more a part of who you are than you may realize. I believe it is God's desire that earthly families seek to emulate the heavenly family relationship. What does that mean? It means we're supposed to sacrifice for others, love them unconditionally, discipline them in love, serve them, encourage them, teach them obedience, etc. As a Christian, I don't think that you can toss aside the importance of family and still consider yourself to be honoring the Lord. It took me 16 years and 8 months to learn that. I hope you don't wait that long.